Here’s the opening paragraph of the winning entry in the detective division of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for bad writing:

She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so.

Try writing an over-the-top opening to a detective novel. Hint: Have fun!